Fine Line Between Fearless & "F This"

TLDR: I use the “f” word a lot in this edition. Stop reading now if that’s going to upset you.

Now, on to the fun stuff…

A coaching client said something this week that made me laugh and then scramble to jot down her words of wisdom:

“If you’re not on the border of blowing shit up,” she said, “you’re not doing your job in HR.”

She’s not wrong. She’s interviewing for a new role she’s genuinely excited about and she’s energized by what could be next. At the same time, she’s still inside a job she cares deeply about but she’s starting to feel she’s outgrown it.

“I’m honestly happy with either outcome,” she told me. “If I get the new role, amazing. If I don’t, I’ll still keep showing up here - not afraid to blow things up for the good of the business.” On the surface, that sounds fearless. Very whatever happens, happens. But there’s something more nuanced happening here.

Her clarity pulled me back to my own experience. A decade ago, I was working full time as a CPO while quietly building a side hustle—at the same time I had my first baby. On paper, it looked like I was adding more to an already full plate. In reality, I was building my burnout antidote: Inspiration.

Becoming a mom reordered my priorities overnight. I cared deeply about my work, but I also gave fewer f’s about the parts that didn’t matter.

And the side hustle?

That wasn’t about escape. It was about optionality. Knowing I was building something of my own changed how I showed up everywhere else. I knew I didn’t want to be beholden to an employer forever, especially now that I was a mom. I wanted to be self directed and work on my own terms.

I was braver. More direct. Less afraid of rocking the boat.

Not because I was checked out—but because I was grounded and that’s when I learned the difference between:

fuck it, I’m fearless

and

fuck this, I’m over it

Fearlessness has perspective. It’s values-forward, not rage-forward.

It comes from knowing you’re not trapped. “Fuck this” usually comes from depletion or scarcity, from caring too much for too long without enough agency or recognition.

That’s why when I asked my client how she stayed on the fearless side of the line, her answer made perfect sense.

“Optionality.”

Having options didn’t make her careless. It made her clear. Optionality gave her breathing room. It gave her enough space to stay engaged instead of reactive.

She’s excited about what’s ahead with either choice she makes. She’s proud of what she’s built and she can also see the potential of what could exist beyond it. That combination matters. In my experience, if your belief goes, so does your engagement.

If you’re standing near that edge right now, especially if your job requires you to care deeply, hold complexity, and live in the gray - this question is worth asking:

Am I acting from expansion? Or from escape? Abundance or scarcity? 

I’ve never met an inspiring and effective leader who was in escape or scarcity for long. If you are that person, make the change. You and your team deserve better.

Fearless choices tend to open something, even when they close a door. There’s intention behind them. “Fuck this” choices usually just get you out of the room. Relief first. Clarity later.

Sometimes being “happy either way” isn’t detachment but rather, it’s maturity.

If you need help staying on the good side of the line or if you have a story of your own about walking it, I’d love to hear from you. Email me: [email protected]

With you every step of this windy road,

Joy

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