90 Seconds to Be Inspired

On day one, a new boss told me what he sucked at as a leader. It went something like this….

“Hey Joy, I need your help with something. I LOVE big, new ideas. I get really excited by them. The issue is, sometimes my excitement can confuse the team. For example, last week we had just finalized our 4 OKRs for the quarter and the next day I sent a looooong email talking about another initiative I wanted to pursue. The team was frustrated with me [seriously, we just decided on our OKRs, now you’re changing the priority?] but they used our secret code to call me out on it. They said “shiny penny!” That phrase is a signal that I have done the thing I am working on doing less, and it gave my team the space to share specific feedback with me, in a way that felt safe to them. So if this ever happens with us, I’d really appreciate it if you’d call me out. This is helping me be a better leader, so thanks in advance!”

I was blown away. Sure I’d had bosses say, “do you have any feedback for me” in the past, but never had they given me the language and permission to share feedback on specific behaviors.

But hold on a sec, I’m a middle child (aka harmonizer), from Minnesota (hello, passive aggressive) and my name is “Joy”. Giving critical feedback, especially to a boss, wasn't going to happen right out of the gate. I had to see this play out a bit.

So I watched over the next few weeks. When the team yelled “shiny penny,” my boss did a fascinating thing. He always reacted exactly the same way. He’d:

1. Pause

2. Smile (in a self-deprecating way)

3. Say “thank you”

4. Ask them to describe how they observed the situation

He wasn’t defensive, ever. This consistency reinforced the agreement, the safety of giving him feedback.

It took about 3 months, but I finally was able to say “shiny penny”.

To build a culture of candor as a leader, you must lead by example. Consider your “shiny penny” and tell your team about it, then ask them to hold you accountable. Give them language to make it easy, and follow those 4 steps above each time someone is brave enough to do it!

90 Seconds to Learn a Little

Click here for my free Feedback & Coaching template! More on how to use this below.

I’ve been teaching managers how to give feedback and coach their teams for years. Each year, my model evolves a bit. The current one combines two frameworks: feedback & coaching. When you use this model, you'll most likely have this difficult conversation only once and experience an improved situation going forward!

Here is an example of an integrated feedback & coaching conversation framework:

1. Situation: Describe what happened when the behavior you’re giving feedback on took place

2. Behavior: Explain the observable behavior that was demonstrated with as much specificity as possible

3. Impact: Describe why this behavior was suboptimal and created potential for future issues if not resolved/corrected

4. Expectation: Reinforce the standards; illustrate a counter-behavior that would lead the individual to more success (this step is often missed!)

5. Accountability: Explain that they are responsible for the change, that you are here to support them, and that you believe they are capable of growth (this step is also often missed!)

6. Alignment: Send a written recap to the individual to ensure you are both on the same page regarding what happened and what will happen next

My framework has dotted lines that lead to “coaching.” As you provide feedback, you are sharing your perception of a situation which may or may not be accurate. Asking coaching questions along the way helps increase the:

Pool of Shared Meaning: Each of us enters a conversation with our own opinions, feelings, theories, and experiences around the topic. These make up our personal pool of meaning. When two or more people enter a crucial conversation, we build a pool of shared meaning—the more each person adds, the more information is available to everyone involved and the better the decisions made. - Crucial Conversations

Use ScaleJOY's Feedback & Coaching Worksheet to plan your next feedback conversation! 

I suspect there’s at least one you’ve been avoiding that should happen this week! 😉

90 Seconds to Connect

A close friend and mentor gave me really difficult feedback a few years back. They started it by saying, “You are someone I hold to a very high standard because I’ve seen you operate at your best. Because I care about you, I need to give you some feedback. It may be tough to hear, but I’m pretty sure we will be even closer when we are through it.”

This was radical candor, delivered with kindness. And they were right. As hard as it was, that conversation brought us closer. And I benefited because of it! This action is an example of what a true friend does for us. They hold us accountable to be our best.

So this week ask yourself:

• Who do I need to connect with and ask for their feedback?

• Who do I need to give feedback to?

• Which relationship has the potential to strengthen if I provide feedback?

Now don’t hesitate, go have the discussion! 

Help expand my inner circle!

My company, ScaleJOY, has grown solely through word of mouth and by delivering quality experiences to the hundreds of clients we have supported. Spread the word by sharing this newsletter or connecting them directly to me for leadership development, coaching or offsite facilitation. Thank you for your continued support!